“ It's okay to cut corners—especially with this magazine. FREE confetti!!! (#9 – p. 52) Mad ★ 4,7 ♥ 68 ⧉ ♡
“ They say young people are impressionable, but really their skin doesn't retain an imprint like an old person's. (#9 – p. 6) Mad ★ 4,5 ♥ 62 ⧉ ♡
“ Mercury retrograde negatively impacts conversation. For example, when you say Mercury retrograde, people stop talking to you. (#9 – 10/2019 p. 4) Mad ★ 4,9 ♥ 206 ⧉ ♡
“ Make your life a little sillier by assuming glock is short for glockenspiel in rap songs. (#8 – 08/2019) Mad ★ 4,7 ♥ 94 ⧉ ♡
“ Baby changing stations should be outlawed. Babies are fine just the way they are! (#7 – p. 35) Mad ★ 4,9 ♥ 262 ⧉ ♡
“ The end of a vacation is like a thirsty stick: it sucks. Unless the vacation was full of ticks. (#7 – 06/2019 p. 5) Mad ★ 4,6 ♥ 139 ⧉ ♡
“ Nothing is certain except for death and taxes, unless you're rich, then just death. (#6 – 04/2019) Mad ★ 4,7 ♥ 96 ⧉ ♡
“ I have a face that only a mother could love, which is why I'm dating your mom. (#5 – 02/2019) Mad ★ 4,7 ♥ 153 ⧉ ♡
“ Disney sets painfully unrealistic expectations. No dogs will eat my spaghetti. (#4 – 12/2018) Mad ★ 4,9 ♥ 65 ⧉ ♡
“ You can't teach an old man to fish, but you can teach him to microwave some tuna and make everyone else at the retirement home really angry. (#3 – 10/2018) Mad ★ 4,5 ♥ 167 ⧉ ♡
“ A first issue of a magazine is like a first flower in spring. Except we actually had to murder plants to make this. (#1 – 06/2018) Mad ★ 4,6 ♥ 72 ⧉ ♡
“ Do what you love and you'll never work a day in your life... because you'll be unemployed. (#550 – 04/2018) Mad ★ 4,7 ♥ 46 ⧉ ♡
“ One good thing about World War 3: at least there won't be any more sequels. (#549 – 02/2018) Mad ★ 4,5 ♥ 243 ⧉ ♡
“ On their deathbed, no one wishes they'd spent more time at work... but plenty of people at work wish they were on their deathbed instead. (#548 – 12/2017) Mad ★ 4,8 ♥ 207 ⧉ ♡
“ Watch out for your fellowman" is good advice, no matter how you interpret it. (#547 – 10/2017) Mad ★ 4,8 ♥ 190 ⧉ ♡
“ Whoever said "it's lonely at the top" was probably talking to himself. (#546 – 08/2017) Mad ★ 4,9 ♥ 131 ⧉ ♡
“ Nothing beats the satisfaction of a job well done — especially if you weren't the one who had to do it. (#545 – 06/2017) Mad ★ 4,9 ♥ 248 ⧉ ♡
“ Most people who say "it's always darker before the dawn" never explain what they're doing up that early. (#544 – 04/2017) Mad ★ 4,9 ♥ 236 ⧉ ♡
“ There's no "I" in "team" — but how many athletes these days can even spell? (#543 – 02/2017) Mad ★ 4,7 ♥ 38 ⧉ ♡
“ An apple a day keeps the doctor away — especially if you nail him in the solar plexus. (#541 – 10/2016) Mad ★ 4,5 ♥ 115 ⧉ ♡